KEM, the former blogger, is making a ghost appearance tonight. Have you ever had The World's Perfect Tomato? I did. Tonight. It was one of those Ugly Tomatoes from Sweetbay grocery store. It was so marvelous that I concluded life can go on. The tomato was the "T" of the BLT's we had for dinner. I've decided sandwiches are IT. When I was trying to assemble everything I kind of lost my cool. There isn't a lot of counter space in my kitchen and my lettuce was drying in a towel by the sink and ended up spilling into the sink. Trying to clear a spot for the plates...not easy. Tomato juice was running rivers all over. Bacon grease spit here, there and everywhere. And where on earth can I set the jar of mayo? So, finally, I announced to Mike, I am having a very hard time over here, this kitchen is so stupid, there is no counter space, no place to work. He says, If you put the Christmas china away, you would have more room. I say, It's easier to holler about no space to work. He says, I know. Besides, my Christmas china (not really Christmas, it's my better china that I got for $35 at The Garage Sale Store, and it includea a fabulous lidded soup tureen, but normally it only gets hauled out at Christmas, hence, it is Christmas china) is not on the counter anymore. Eleven days ago it got moved to the top of the stove because it got used for my mother's birthday dinner. It got used for birthday because, after all, there it was, and I couldn't have Christmas china hogging the counter when I was having company for dinner. This is because my house is an open floor plan, and whoever invented the open floor plan is not my favorite person. No interior walls, you walk in the house and you see the whole thing, every room, every mess, every counter piled high with Christmas china. The china is not puttable awayable at the present moment because it is only rinsed, not washed. So, there it is, rinsed and stacked on the stove, enjoying all the activity. I promise you, I lead a very busy life. Who has time for small potatoes like stowing Christmas china? Some day I want to tell you how I lost my wedding band in Rollin' Oats. How it just slipped right off my finger and I didn't even know it. Then DT-s-D and I were driving to another store and I looked down and BOOM! Heart attack! NO RING. We sped back to Rollin' Oats and we started cruising the aisles. And there was my ring, sitting in the middle of the aisle in front of the frozen meat case. Wow. I had noticed my fingers would get cold and shrink and I could slide my ring up and down my finger, over the knuckles and everything, with absolutely no resistance. I had actually noticed that in Rollin' Oats not five minutes before the ring fell off. Weird I didn't even feel it. Or hear it. And weird no one found it, there for all the world to see. Except all the world didn't see it, in fact, no one saw it. And it's a wide band, chunky and meaty, ha, ha. My grandmother always kept her eyes to the ground when she walked down the street. She found more coins that way. SHE would have discovered the ring in front of the meat case. She also liked to check the pay phone for change left behind. Or maybe that was me. It's hardly a get-rich-quick scheme, but it's fun. Boy, I don't even know when is the last time I saw a pay phone, do you? Do they still have them? You know how even in the poorest third world countries everyone has a cell phone? They may not have a toilet, but, by golly, they have that phone. My missionary friends told me this. They are in Guyana. I no longer need to tell you my story about my wedding ring hitting the pavement in Rollin' Oats. 'Cause I just did. Speaking of rings hitting the pavement, I no sooner got my class ring at boarding school than I dropped it on the pavement and a chunk of the gold was knocked out. It doesn't pay to play with rings. Feel free to believe me on this very sensitive subject. Okay, time to tackle my midnight chores. I added something, a quick mop with Swiffer mop (the kind you can use dry or wet cloths). It's so much fun. AND, I am here to tell you, that dry mop picks up so much crud I nearly went into a state of shock after using it for the first time. How can it be? All the crud? I vacuum every other day and dry mop the in-between days. It's really shocking, and feel free to believe me. KEM P.S. Just so you know, I had paragraphs in this literary masterpiece. When I came back later to edit it, it had mysteriously melded into one long run-on paragraph. It really ruirns the effect, but I'm not about to correct it at 2:12 AM and still having Swiffer & Friends to party with. BTW, "ruirn" is one of my favorite words in The Help. But please, never use the word "supper" with me. And whatever you do, NEVER use the word "panties" with CDW. It's UNDERWEAR, Ladies. Feel free to tell me the words that make your skin crawl. Thank you. P.P.S. Minny uses "ruirn" in The Help, and the first time I picked up on it was not the first time Minny used it. See, I am rereading and already have found it where I didn't notice it the first time Minny said it. I believe it's used 3 times in the book, but I will let you know for sure, because that is a Vital Fact for your spare brain cells. Reading books twice is a stellar idea.