Mr. Mole makes me nervous.

The brick men showed up early, as in 8 AM early, and started this obnoxiously loud machine that pats the dirt down smooth. I think water was involved. Remember, this is Saturday. I think I'll be making Cherry Cupcakes to distribute to the neighbors every Saturday for the rest of my life.

I look out the bathroom window a few hours later and see Mike standing where the cement part of the driveway ends and the bricks are supposed to begin, where we park the cars. He stands there so long looking down and also talking to one of the men, that I decide I had better throw on some clothes and high tail it down there.

Guess what? The "seconds" bricks that came in from Ohio, all 90,000 of them (really, that's how many the landscaper bought, we use a fraction of those, just a thousand and some), they are diverse sizes. Meaning. Meaning, when you try to do a herringbone pattern or a basketweave pattern, you are in big trouble because the short bricks leave great big gaps here and there (because the shorter bricks are randomly laid). There were several sample patterns laid out and it was not pretty, trust me.

They were going to finish all the brick work today. Instead, we stood around and discussed a long time what might be some options, because, after all, what do you do with huge crates of bricks sitting not only in your yard, but mooching off the neighbor's yard, too? Mike and I and the main brick man talked. Because the Landscape Guy, the Ultimate Authority, is in Colorado hunting. Seriously groovy.

They could lay the bricks like a brick street, just linear. BORING. Not only boring but kindergartenish. Then we thought of laying them linear but diagonally. WEIRD. Don't know if I could embrace that...ever. Of course, being weird is my specialty, so I might have to sleep on that one. Then I thought of extracting the red bricks and doing the driveway with them. And then another color for the sidewalk. Because all the reds are the same size, at least, and all the oranges are the same size, but not the same size as the reds, etc. Several shades of bricks going on, including blueish gray. This way I could still have the far superior herringbone pattern. But it would involved a lot of sorting of bricks and I get the drift the guys wouldn't exactly adore that. They just like to grab the next brick and lay it down. I was informed that one of the helpers could lay 1,000 sq ft of bricks a day and another could lay 1,200 a day and the third guy wasn't as good as the other two. WHO KNOWS.

So, the men had to leave because we have to see what Landscape Guy has to say. I'm guessing he won't want to ship 8,000 tons of bricks back to Ohio. Wouldn't you guess the same thing?

Okay, so all this happened at 12 noon and my day was a big zero from then on. And, of course, that was when my day started, 12 noon. So there you go. This is called, in NC, a Flaw In the Slaw. Frankly, I've very curious to see what LG has to say. I told the brick man to go to the beach for the afternoon. He's from Brazil, btw, and he is all business. I tried to make him laugh and was only moderately successful. He said, I want to work, I was going to finish this job today. I said, Maybe LG will give you a bonus for this surprise FItS (Flaw In the Slaw).

But I like man from Brazil. Yesterday DT-s-D came by when I wasn't home. She tramped through the dirt the long way to the front door. I know this because when I came home there was a nice pile of dirt on the doormat. But we've all been leaving our share of the earth all over the floors, actually. I also noticed a full roll of paper towels positioned by the front doormat.

So I called Mike, Why is there a roll of paper towels by the front door? I don't know, he says, Maybe Robby put it there. Now, obby does like to attack paper towel rolls, but this roll was standing on end, intact, and no claw tears in it. Honestly, Robby did not put that roll there, just absurd. I like to know why a roll is sitting there, 'cause I'm always afraid someone wee-wee'd in the grout.

Next, I call DT-s-D. Hi, did you set a roll of paper towels by the front door? Yes. Aha, what do you know? She said, I was swiping them. Oh. I suggest, I thought maybe you were going to wipe off your dusty feet. She replies, Oh no, you should just be happy I took my shoes off. So I am, so I am.

But that was a bunny hike. DT-s-D also mentioned that the workmen looked at her like she was a Martian yesterday. And here is why I like Brazil man. In-between discussing seconds bricks that, btw, I was told would have variations in color, which is acceptable, size variations, which is not acceptable, never being breathed, he said, Was that your sister over here yesterday? (Boy, that was a bad sentence.) Heh, heh, heh, we won't mention this to DT-s-D, will we? It's not a disparagement of her anyway, but still... I said, No, that was my daughter. He said, She looks like your sister. Maybe he should have put it another way, You look like her sister. Older sister, mind you. By only 30 years.

I might be coming down with something, me is too tired behind the eyes and ultra grouchy. I'm saving my Dr. Deb story for tomorrow, it's kind of a classic. This brick thing, naturally, has me partially disturbed.

You know what a blog really is, at least my blog? A diary. That's just exactly what it is. And a diary for public consumption, no less. Thank goodness only a handful of people read it, and you're all my friends. Whew!

Heck, how come it's already 1 AM? Need to go make a dent in The Help, I sort of only read about a page a day lately. I'm halfway through, and have been for some time. Help!

Buried In Useless Bricks,
KEM