Hi. Ever since I was a child I have romanticized life. It occurred to me recently that I have romanticized spirituality, also. Time to think about that.

KEM

What is it with these hot little temper fits? I had a series of them today. HLTF#1, Came home from my little job only to find the kitchen faucet was leaking . . . again. Except this time the water formed a river and poured over the edge of the counter where the stove sits. The unfinished sheet rock or backer board or whatever it is behind the stove was soaking wet all down one side to the floor. This led me to worry about the actual stove sitting in water and rusting. So of course this led to Hot Little Temper Fit # 2 because I removed the bottom drawer of the stove and drastic unpleasantness met me. How long has it been since you've had the full view under your stove? Mine looked haunted. Which led me to peak down the sides of the stove and there were further drapey dreary cobwebs and similar unfun things unless it's Halloween, which even then I despise that day. Of course, I couldn't face it and tried to put the heavy drawer back in place without removing the cookies sheets and stuff (as you might know, removing a drawer full of junk is one thing, while replacing it is another all together) . This prolonged my temper fit until I stacked (the theme of my life) all that junk on the counter, where I can glance over my shoulder and see it right this very second.

At least being thankful (I think?) all the water was in the wall and not on the floor, I decided to get out with Jazzi and bask in the 70 degree weather. Temper Fit No. 3 was right around the corner because Miss Jazzi Cakes wouldn't do her nice big walk, oh no, she wanted to slice it short and just go around the little triangle. We had a war of wills and after my dragging her a few inches on her leash (and feeling mean and cross), of course I gave it up and she won that little battle. Nothing new there.

After 3 Temper Strikes, I was out and the only remaining option was to take a royal nap. See, I had only 3 hours sleep the night before. News Flash: That Doesn't Work.

But things have improved mightily upon arising because it popped into my head to Google Nathan Laube, young organist extraordinaire. If you want to charge up your soul, then check out http://www.nathanlaube.com/ Click on one of his video organ performances. I have had the privilege and complete joy of hearing this teenager play in person, twice. He came to St. Petersburg College to give recitals once a year for the last few years, as well as other select places. We were fortunate enough that this was part of the strategy to groom him for what will be a superstar concert career. Last year he graduated from Curtis, not only as the top musician, but also as the top scholar. Ain't that pitiful? Well, one year I was all set to go to his concert but got a hot phone call that the concert was cancelled due to a bomb scare. Poor Nathan. He has spent 8 hours setting up the organ -- I found this out because when the program was rescheduled, as in a whole other time, I talked to him. He's so nice. I get the distinct idea that he's a Christian, too.

When I discover someone whom God has gifted to the extreme of human potential, I just get the chills, it's utterly thrilling to me. How 'bout you? Just watch Nathan and you will be thrilled, I guarantee it. Turn up the volume, notice how many things he is doing at once. Where I went to college, I understood that the organ majors were ready for a recital when they could play the pieces while simultaneously pushing a marshmallow across a string in front of them. With their nose. Cute. I'm going to have to try that. Yes, I can see that a marshmallow could be threaded on a string, but I can't imagine it going places, what with all that sticky and goo. Ya think the string was super taut? So, the bottom line was if you could play organ and manage a marshmallow at the same time, well, what more could anyone ask for? Maybe someone was pulling my leg, but then again, maybe not, because at the time I attended this University, Bob Jones University, it's slogan was The World's Most Unusual University. I was a good fit for that, wouldn't you say? CDW and I totally agree that we do things our way, no matter how weird. No melding into a mold for us, dare to be different and all the rest. If everyone else is doing it one way, count on us to find a contrary way. Are you like that, too?

Yesterday is not over because I want to tell you more about Ethel-Val. Standing by her glass doors looking out to the pool, I said, Ethel, there is a great honkin' big toad on your deck, like right in my face. Ethel (even though we hadn't decided she was Ethel yet), all ready being familiar with this toad, said, It's dead -- frozen. Wow. That was sad. It's the weather, people. Florida is being crushed. For example, earlier in the week when I was helping my little lady, we were on her front walk and I said, There is a lizard that is not lookin' too good, in fact, it seems dead. She said, No, not deceased, just chilled to a stiff state. So she picked it up to take it out back where there was some sun. It warmed up in her hand and perked up, thank goodness. I'm telling you, we're losing our crops, oranges, strawberries and who knows what all, fish are dying in the water and the whole cycle of life is being distorted. It's sad but not as sad as Haiti. All of this, of course, is to turn our attention to the Lord. Anyway, SO THANKFUL for normal temps today. When I took a real walk tonight it was simply perfection, it felt so good.

Well, I was interested to realize that toads and Ethel have some sort of connection because Ethel's email address has the word toad in it. How 'bout that?

Tonight I made Wizard Chopped salad. I think I got chop happy because 45 minutes later we were still eating it. Chop-chop. Chop Wizard can chop-a-lot in no time, trust me. I need to tone it down, get the feel for it. Well, at Ethel's yesterday, I was bragging about Chop Wizard while I was admiring her cinnamon-toast-making efforts, such as holding the whole stick of butter to rub butter on the toast. She delved into a drawer and produced HER favorite chopper, which looked good, I have to say. It's a small round number and you put your eggs or whatever in the bottom and push on the handle and chop-chop, the blade rotates and chops things real fine and it's quick 'n easy. But still, I bragged on about CW (if you don't know what that is by now, sorry, I can't help you). Suddenly, I saw the light switch on in Ethel's eyes. She ran across her kitchen and opened another drawer, pulled something out and said, Is it THIS? Well, ding, dang, dong, if Ethel didn't all ready have her very own personal Chop Wizard. I guess I was silly to think I'm the only one in the world who had a CW. But I was so EXCITED, I FELT like I was the only one. Well, I can see in my near future that I will be acquiring Ethel's chopper, bring on the diversity, now that I know how great choppers are, at least ones that are easy to clean. And also in my future is a nut grinder, courtesy of my friend who belongs to AA, Appliances Anonymous. She's given the raves on this one --turn the handle toward you for fine nuts and away from you for coarse nuts. I'm telling you, my kitchen is getting revolutionized, one instrument of pulverization at a time.

Well, seeing that I wrote all the above, I cannot write my stories tonight. But I thought of another one, when DTD was little and got a potato chip stuck in her gums. Wait until you hear about that. Ha, I'm sure your are frozen like the toad, waiting to hear this story -- life ceases to exist until you get the full scoop. BTW, NEVER take me seriously.

KEM, the toad P.S. My friend in OK said that Mr. Meatman went out of business because, after all, how many people are going to order kangaroo steaks?

Hi. Yesterday I was in hot pursuit of Mr. Meatman Meat Market. Today, in a complete reversal, I had a lovely and mild visit with my new old friend, or old new friend, as we've discussed before. She made cinnamon toast on REAL HOMEMADE BREAD SHE MADE HERSELF. Get real, it was SOOOO GOOOOOOD! Then she sent me packing with a sack of snacks because I had choir practice next.

Ultimately, we decided we should move into one of the edgy new condos downtown and that we could be neighbors like Lucy and Ethel and have a ball (Lucille Ball, get it?). Then the thought came to me and tripped out over my tongue, But which one of us would be Lucy and which one of us would be Ethel? With nary a moment's hesitation my friend enthusiastically offered, I'll be Ethel. I said, Really?, okay, I'll be Lucy and you can be Ethel. Mertz. She said why should that bother her when once she and her really good friend were out and the song, The Wind Beneath Your Wings (or whatever) was playing and her friend said, THAT'S OUR SONG! Well, if I understood this correctly my friend choked with laughter, imagining herself the wind beneath her friend's wings. So playing Ethel would be right in line. Besides, Ethel Mertz is the greatest.

Now, I want to can all of my earthly responsibilities and spend a whole yummy day watching reruns of I Love Lucy. I need a day like that, don't you? My friend, CDW, she has a teensy TV she can cart to any room in her house and enjoy old TV shows she orders on Netflix, while she works. It helps tremendously in sticking with the tasks at hand. Well, I don't know how that would pan out for yours truly. I'm sure within 5 seconds I would be glued to the TV rather than to the chore. Wouldn't you?

I just want to say to all my friends reading this nuts-O blog, I love you. I feel so blessed to have each of you as a friend. You are all so special and enrich my life BIG TIME. You are fun, funny, encouraging, prayerful, sweet, dear and just full of light. I don't even deserve just great friends, but that's okay, you're stuck with me :))

Tomorrow I think I can go ahead with one of my stories. And another one I want to tell is how I found my wedding dress. Today I was recounting it for Ethel and I have to admit, it's interesting. My friend from Oklahoma (I have a couple of stories about her I want to tell), after reading about Mr. Meatman, she said how she could relate to not being able to find a place you know for dang sure is right there. She also thought it was great that Jazzi was along for the ride, helping me find Mr. Meat. I just love her take on things, she freshens things up so well. See, this is how I get egged on to keep blogging, so we can connect with one another through story time. I know, I never grew up.

KEM of KEM'S STORY HOUR

Today . . . back on the mean streets, as my friend put it, lookin' for Mr. Meatman. I drove right past again, somehow, had to turn around and try over. This time I was GOING to find this butcher joint if I had to park my car and walk blocks and knock on doors. Well, I found it and you want to know what it said under the sign? FOR LEASE. That's right, Mr. Meatman has walked, his meat in tow, he's history. I waited too long and now I guess I'll wait forever. The funny thing is that there was a huge sign out by the street, MR. MEATMAN. You couldn't miss it unless you were KEM. But I was so busy looking at the buildings for giant yellow letters that bragged, MEAT, CHICKEN, PORK, OSTRICH, GIRAFFE and KANGAROO, that I totally missed the road sigh. I mean, that's all I ever saw, the yellow meats. Why does this not surprise me? Oh . . . the big yellow meat words had been removed from the front of the building. THAT, my dear blogger friends, is why over an hour of my life has been eternally wasted.

This place sold a list a mile long of exotic meats, which, frankly, is a huge turn off for me. Meat, in my book, is beef and pork. I can't eat an antelope, antelope are supposed to play on the range and never hear a discouraging word. They are supposed to roam with the buffalo and be happy all the day long. And moose? What would my sister say about that?? She was totally in love with Mr. Moose from Captain Kangaroo (even though she pictured the Devil to exactly resemble Mr. Moose). What would the Captain say about all this? HUH?? I'm telling you, if you've ever heard of an animal or reptile, it was on the list at Mr. Meatman, for your dining pleasure. Maybe I'm glad it's closed. I called the phone number to be sure and it was disconnected. I called the number for leasing and asked, Wherever did Mr. Meatman go? The lady said, Beats me, they just moved out. A happy day for moose, buffalo and antelope everywhere, is all I can say.

So, we never had Julia Child's pot roast for dinner. We didn't even have little temper fits (what with all the animals being saved). We had little steaks instead, steaks where they didn't stuff the cows with antibiotics and hormones first, bought from the regular grocery store. Honestly, my journey to track down an organic pot roast was a textbook case of DIMINISHING RETURNS.

All you working women out there, How do you do it? Fixing dinner is my main occupation. Don't get mad at me or give me a badge that shouts, INCOMPETENT. It's just the way I'm wired.

Oh my, my head is freezing, last night and tonight. All the heat is going out my ears and off the top of my head. I need to go get my wonderful new hat that my friend made me. She made people hats for Christmas. How did she do that? She teaches music classes in a Christian school and is an elite, competitive runner, so she trains like crazy every day. It's nothing for her to get up on a Sunday morning and run to Dunedin and back before church. You may not be impressed until you hear that Dunedin is easily a 20 mile run. Now you are impressed because you just heard it. Then she might play her oboe in church or a big long horn for the call to worship. She's the sweetest thing in the whole wide world and she skips in church because she is so happy. She's funny, too. Once the pastor asked her to come up front and he quizzed her about running the Boston Marathon. He asked, How cold was it up there? She answered, Cold. He asked, How many people ran the race? Lots. It was so cute, she is what I call pure joy and it's so infectious. Anyway, I guess, on top of being engaged, she has time to make adorable hats because she is only 25. She told me, I thought you would look really good in this hat. And by golly, if I don't. It's a big improvement . . . somehow.

So, back to my dinner (no wonder I talk about dinner so much, it's my main occupation, see above). At the table I said to my stepson, See these stewed apples?, they are Wizard Chopped. See these mashed potatoes? They are Wizard Chopped, too. That's right, I went wild tonight and decided to check out Chop Wizard for everything, and I enjoyed great success, minus slicing my finger on the blades. Lately, I burn or cut myself every time I'm in the kitchen. What is the meaning of this? Where is my mind? Why do I lose my concentration? At any rate, Chop Wizard is magnificent and I think Chop Wizard should start paying me for advertising it so whole heartedly . . . to all three of you.

Okay, I still have some stories I need to write, about New Year's Eve, my Bible-Reading-In-a-Year and others. I even have a stack of papers I've jotted story ideas on, paper strays, they are sitting here on the desk, nice 'n sloppy, making me look like I have something important to say. Mike is always going, So, when are you going to clean up this mess? P-U-H-L-E-A-S-E . . . do not disturb the genius at work. Okay, so whatever. In case you haven't noticed, I like to make fun of myself.

I'm on the verge of calling the new sinus doctor back and inquiring, Is it okay if I am blowing blood out of my nose? I hope that's okay. Surely it's the endless cold weather and heating the house combination, don't ya think? My delicate sinuses don't take to it, they rebel. Not to mention my appetite. If this cold snap doesn't snap soon, I'm gonna snap right out of my jeans. We Floridians are at a total loss to explain or cope with the ravages of prolonged cold weather, and not just a little cold, but regular, honest-to-goodness up north cold (well, not quite, but close). This bleeding has been going on for a few days. Look, as long as I can breathe, I guess I can handle a little blood, right? And I'll bet someone reading this is thinking, A-ha!, so this is the problem, her brains are doing a slow bleed. Well, again, whatever . . . I have an eerie feeling that my sinuses are gonna get me in the end.

On this exquisite note, see ya tomorry,
KEM

She took down the Christmas tree . . . and that's all she wrote . . . for today anyway. And she broke an ornament . . . and she wants to give away all her Christmas things except the very cutest . . . she especially wants to get rid of her crummy organza bows she formed with her own two hands. She needs CDW, who is a crafts genius and has recently formed exquisite bouquets for her daughter's wedding, formed them with her own two hands and the result is anything but crummy, the result is stunning, simply marvelous to behold. CDW could straighten out KEM'S weepy little bows.

She is grouchy because she drove up and down busy 4th Street all afternoon looking for the meat market she's seen millions of times and has always wanted to visit. So, WHERE ON EARTH IS IT when it's finally time to stop and go in instead of drive by . . . and go buy chuck roast? FOR ONCE she was going to have all her groceries the day before making dinner for stepson who appreciates her cooking. So she went to another neighborhood meat market instead and that ended up with her stomping out in a silent temper fit because of many frustrating elements converging all at once -- like a big crowd (since when does a meat market have a big crowd?), two dirty women, bless their sweet hearts, discussing how sick they are, a couple coming in after her and pointing to the hunk of meat she spotted first and, the last straw, the butcher taking a personal phone call. Her temper fits are increasing lately . . . but today was especially "one of those days." The best part of this day was Jazzi getting a long car ride while her mother searched for the illusive butcher shop, up and down, up and down 4th Street.

Honestly, I cannot wait to go and find it tomorrow and see what this was all about, where it was hiding. Mike found the exact address online. I know I am going to have a temper fit when I see where it is, it's just maddening. Anything like this ever happy to you?

Okay, so much for feeling like Mother Teresa in my heart today. There's always tomorrow . . . possibly. I was just a bad person today.

KEM

This icy cold weather is making me eat nonstop, things like French toast and creamed tuna on Amish noodles. I posted on Facebook that it's been so cold for so long that I was kinda getting used to it and was that good, bad or indifferent? The responses were split right down the middle between good and bad. The Florida girls who hate hot weather said it was marvelous to make friends with the cold. But the friends from cold climates said, NO, this is a terrible thing, do NOT get used to the cold. I found that amusing. No one thought it was indifferent. This just shows that you do what you gotta do. In this case, face the frigid temps, whether you like it or not.

I was pleased that my blog from yesterday was timely for CDW. She notes:

I have been eating dates the last couple of weeks. You SO nailed it on the head about how these things resemble roaches. They most certainly do! I knew they reminded me of something...but what...oh, KEM SO NAILED that. :) I like eating them with raw almonds...yum and yum. Roaches with my almonds...delicious. :)

There, so I'm not the only one. Thank you, CDW.

Tomorrow I think I'll blog about reading the Bible through in a year. It will be more of a confessional of sorts. I've been wanting to write this story for a while, but it's rather embarrassing.

My Christmas tree is still up. The branches are starting to droop due to dryness, I think I have completely forgotten to water the thing with my sinus turkey baster for well over a week. In fact, I know I have forgotten. But the dryer pine gets, the sweeter it smells. Growing up I spent about every weekend at my friend's house. When you walked into her house it had the most scrumptious smell. Never knew what it was for years and years, tried to pinpoint the scent, but couldn't. And then one day it hit me. Her mother always hung their live Christmas pine wreathe in the garage. Eventually, it turned completely brown, but still the delicious aroma permeated the whole house. If I had a garage I would do that. Well, if I had a wreathe I would do that. Somehow, I don't think parking my Christmas tree in the laundry room for the year would be the best. Maybe cut off some branches and set them on a shelf in laundry? Yes, that is exactly what I shall do.

Meanwhile, I would be smart to get those ornaments off the tree. Seriously, the branches are pointing toward the floor and I can see and hear the ornaments slipping off in the night in a glass crash and I coming downstairs to such a thing. Wouldn't that be sad?

Oh, the sinus turkey baster reminds me that last week I had a follow-up with new sinus doc. He asked me about nose irrigation and I said, I am terribly sorry, but I couldn't get the hang of watering my nose with your turkey baster, but it is perfect for watering the Christmas tree. He loved that and promptly handed me a brand new turkey baster, which I have yet to remove from its wrapping. I had a temper fit because I boiled water for twenty minutes to sterilize it, then added salt and baking soda, stirred it up, left it to cool, only to come back and find something floating all over the surface of the water. I think the wooden utensil I used to stir the salt had a wax coating which melted and all these little waxy floaters contaminated my efforts. They kind of looked like small hunks of ice floating in the Northern Sea. So I had to dump the whole thing because I'm certain the last thing my nose needs is plops of wax jamming up the works. That whole failure was so discouraging that I haven't tried again. You might say I'm easily discouraged.

One last thing, I thought about using my Chop Wizard to chop onions and celery for my creamed tuna tonight. But then I thought, It's so easy to chop this little bit by hand and then not have to wash Chop Wizard. After chopping by hand it was time to make cole slaw and then I said, Well, let's try Chop Wizard for this. Chop Wizard is my new favorite gadget. It did cabbage so quickly and easily, slam, slam, done. And left me wishing since I dirtied Chop Wizard after all, that I had chopped my onion and celery, too. Ain't that just life?? Besides Chop Wizard (can you tell I get a bang out of saying, Chop Wizard) is SO easy to clean, there's nothin' to it.

Highly suggesting you go out and become a proud new owner of Chop Wizard, AS SEEN ON TV,
KEM (Vidalia Chop Wizard, if you must)

How 'bout another quote, 'cause I have brain freeze. Every bit of me, inside and out, is completely FROZEN.

Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor ... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting. --Mother Teresa

That's a tall order, but I guess we should aim for it.

One more thing. I really, really like to eat dates. Of course, I never think to buy them unless the store places them where you have to trip over them, like as an extra display sticking out the side of an end cap blocking the aisle, a hazard, really, you have to maneuver your cart around, which I'm not so hot at, which happened recently. I knocked the display down and when I was picking these boxes of dates up, I tossed one into the cart. It's called a marketing ploy and it works for people like KEM, the Dead Sea Push Over.

It has since occurred to me, as I pop them one after the other into my mouth, that dates strongly resemble decapitated roaches. That have also had their legs amputated. That have also been gone over with a roller. But I eat them anyway, although I have to confess, my pleasure is now somewhat diminished. Don't mind me, just go right ahead and enjoy your dates as per usual and pretend you never heard of me.

Going to clip coupons.

KEM -- and I hope I left you better and happier, or, at the very least, well-educated in one type of roach impersonators.