Hello. I am up for a blogette tonight. It didn't take me long to overdo it on the Smooties. Today I tried a new recipe, thought I'd go back and forth between Paul Bragg's smootie and this one from the newspaper, because this new one sounded so good and I had all the junk for it, well, I subbed a couple things.

So, I made a smootie composed of the following ingredients: Papaya juice, water, banana, blueberries, mango (oh my, that had to be the fruit in the Garden), red chard, a carrot, ground flax seed and Almased powder. It made three glasses full. I drank all three glasses full. My tummy has been acting up ever since. Where is Mike when you need him? I guess I will have to 1/2 the recipe, but it's hard to halve stuff like a mango. Actually, the recipe calls for strawberries, which I had none. So in plopped the mango. Also, it calls for Pomegranate juice, had none.

Anyway, shouldn't I be so healthy, after drinking all that? The lady who submitted the recipe says she drinks a quart of it every morning. I guess I'm not in her league.

Then I went to two grocery stores and bought the junk for Pioneer Woman's Braised Short Ribs and Marlboro Man's Favorite Sandwich (which uses cubed steak). Then I bought three packs of chicken and bacon and salmon, frozen and smoked. I don't know, am I expecting a take over or something and it won't be safe to leave the house? Mike thought all this was hilarious. He said, All this meat sure goes with the Paul Bragg diet, doesn't it? Paul Bragg wouldn't touch meat with a ten-foot pole. He said when the cows are standing in line waiting to be executed, that they see what is happening to their cow friends in front of them. This causes sheer internal panic, like when your blood freezes in your veins because of some horrible thing happening to you. Then some chemical is released into the cow's poor system as a coping mechanism, I guess. And this chemical, then, ends up in that gorgeous roast on your Sunday dinner table. Which then, if logic is presumed, ends up in YOU! And ME!!

Well, don't mind me, who can worry about all this stuff anyway? Let's just eat our cows and be happy.

Last night when DTD was here and my niece and her friend, I was going on about the Mystery Monkey. DTD thought this was THE DUMBEST thing she's ever heard of, that someone would have time to write a Facebook site on behalf of the monkey, that such a person has no life and should really go out and get one last week. Well, I defended it, good clean fun is all, besides I don't watch TV hardly at all, except maybe First Love Second Chance, and Andy of course, and maybe the Mystery Monkey author doesn't watch TV either.

Then I showed my niece this article I clipped on how a vet explains how you can hurt your dog's feelings. DTD said that was the second dumbest thing she'd heard that night. I clipped the article because recently DTD was too rushed to pet Jazzi. When DTD returned later that day, I said, You hurt Jazzi's feelings (see, Jazzi makes such a huge deal when visitors come to the house, she spins donuts and whimpers and stands on her hind legs and everything, she expects a fuss in return). DTD couldn't agree less, so that is why, a couple weeks later when I saw this article, I thought maybe she should like to study it. Well, what's a mother for? And maybe it is dumb to have a fan site for Mystery Monkey, which now has over 60,000 fans.

The wildlife people are going ape, saying how dangerous the monkey is and he might carry disease and how lonely he is without any monkey friends. They said he must have been kicked off the monkey island in Homossassa. This is the only monkey bunch in the whole state of Florida, in Homossasa. See, there is something about that monkey, why else would his family kick him out? We all hope the monkey doesn't get killed on the Interstate. I think this monkey is too smart for that, good gravy, he's lasted this long and been everywhere.

Val Toad had given me Chia Seeds. She says they're better than Flax Seeds. Have you seen them? I hadn't. They are tiny pale black balls, like poppy seeds. The billow up when placed in liquid and get soft and spongy. You sprinkle them on salads and put them in smooties and things. Chia Seeds get in your gums and in your dishcloth. They are sticky little things, like sandspurs. When you smile you have little black beads at the gum line, almost could pass for some new weird kind of mouth jewelry. (I think the smooties are gittin' to me.)

Mike has no talent for cleaning the cheese off his fork. His fork comes to the sink laden with sticky ol' cheese. Not mine, clean as a whistle.

And with that, KEM signs off