Wow. And GROSS. Tonight I made the grossest dinner you ever heard of or had the misfortune of eating. I am very impressed with myself, except in the wrong direction. What it was, was leftovers from Thanksgiving. It was all frozen, Mistake Number One. My dinner this year wasn't that good anyway, so it never should have made it to the freezer . . . not at all. The frozen turkey jelly, I'm not even sure what that was, the pan juices and who-knows-scary-what, 'cause in my haste I never strained it, well that turned into gravy . . . of sorts. Runny mashed taters, personality-less stuffing and dreadful turkey, it really was, oh, yum! Wow, again. But don't go away, it gets worse. I had frozen mushrooms in my freezer, Miscellanious Pieces, I think the package described it, the Variety Pack. Oh, goody. One look and I should have let Shock Value reign. Really, these long, gangly stems, they looked exactly like huge earth worms, and little else was in the bag. When they said Pieces, that was some sort of disclaimer for a bag full of stems, long wormy ones. Gag. Boy, when they were sauteed, you never tasted anything more revolting in your life. The texture alone, spongy tubes with water squirting out, puts Keswick's Wretched Shepherd's Pie on my list of Top Ten Favorites.

So, the only redeeming element of this meal was Borscht, which my kind friend had made for us. It was truly delicious and refreshing. Other than that, I've served my share of lousy meals, but this one was so bad it simply has to be the last. I have no idea how I ate it, and the leftovers hit the can. That is not normally my style, trust me, to throw out food. Mike is not fully aware of how DEES-GUSTING this dinner was, so I'm not about to be the informant.

All this led to my getting my hot little temper going. I decided, based upon the confidence of throwing out my orphaned old lady lipsticks, the ones my sister refused to adopt but flatly rejected in To-tal, upon contact, no questions, to throw out anything that was old, on the way to becoming old, unknown age or quantity and plain ol' just not new. I hit the pantry first, then the freezer and fridge. It was a Mad Mission and it's not stopping tonight. After I finish this post, I am on my way to the dining table because guess what? After bagging all my old papers to clear the way for Christmas dinner, (remember that?, bags still in guest closet), there are now, in ten teensy days, enough fresh (or, rather, fresher) unread newspapers to start this ridiculous cycle all over again. Yes, that's it, I've had it, I tell you. Something is clicking.

So, now I'm very excited to see what will happen. Old lady lipsticks: check. Old and older food: check. Old newspapers: check. As a lady in New Jersey who had a completely clutter-free vacation home said, Eh, I don't have time to (and here she pantomimed, with fabulous facial contortions, picking up knick knacks and dusting under them and setting them down again). SHE had BETTER things to do. And so do I.

Years ago a friend of mine I had met in the church in North Carolina came to see me when I was home visiting in Florida. She showed up just when we were cleaning out. She was the type who did not deliberate over whether to throw something away or not. No way, Baby, she got the job done. And getting it done in record time was the goal. She saw the forest, no trees were about to get in her way. I, of course, am just the opposite, I climb every tree and never realize I'm in a forest. Well, there were boxes to be gone through, lots of old, mostly useless stuff, half of which you don't even know what it is, kinda like my dinner (see above). This friend dove in in her usual breezy manner. A certain member of my family watched in speechless horror, jaws parted, at this sacrilege, a perfect stranger TAKING OVER. Picture a cartoon, with friend tossing things over both shoulders, left then right, at warp speed, and never missing the trash can . . . Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping. All the rest of us could do was lift our hand in protest and weakly utter, But . . . wait a minute . . . Later, the certain family member had to, you know, sift through the garbage . . . just in case. Well, there was a case, all right. My friend had thrown out a VALUABLE horsehair bracelet. I remember her looking at it for a split second, it was a curious object, and then over the shoulder it sailed, Ping!, along with everything else. And I mean EVERYTHING. That was her method of achieving cleanliness and order. I have to say, it works. You won't be left with so much as a stick of deoderant, but you will have order and you will be very clean, showering 10 times a day.

So. So what. If I lose a valuable object or two, that's just Too bad, Charlie. I'm done examining bark on trees. There is MORE to life. There's a forest to awaken to and I want to breathe it in.

Okay, because my dinner was bad, sad and made me mad, I'm going to go drown my sorrows in hot chocolate, with fresh milk and everything. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, 4 at the most, but I perservered, which is always a mistake. I'm excellent at making mistakes. A nap would have made me a much sweeter nicer person. Sometimes I think the key to spirituality is lots of sleep and no stress. JK.

AND, I am going European. From now on I shop daily at my little Rollin' Oats Market. I buy fresh, I fix fresh, we eat fresh. FRESH! After all, there are only the two of us. Except DTD sneaked in here today, she left all the tell-tale signs, which mainly involve food and television.

The NEW KEM