So My Nose is Growing

Pardon me for a very short post (no popping corks, now), but my nose appears to be engaged in a growth spurt. This is very depressing and instead of blogging I must visit Crest Whitestrips website and learn how to whiten my teeth, which I have never done before but will be a nice consolation against the beastly nose. Webster tells me beastly means nasty, unpleasant, disagreeable. That's a start. How dare the nose enlarge at this stage of my life? But I must whiten NOW because I have an opened box of Whitestrips that is set to expire sometime in 2009 (see below). Now, I know many people and relatives in particular who find some kind of pleasure in consuming expired food, medicines and whatever else is able to expire, like cosmetics and motor oil. The longer it's been expired, the better. But that is not how I choose to function, each to his or her own. We've been down this dirt road before, haven't we?

Okay, so 28 strips came in this box, 14 upper teeth, 14 lower. I was actually amazed to find that there are exactly 9 strips left in each category. Wouldn't you have thought there would have been maybe 17 lower strips and one lone upper? That's how I think. I impulsively bought this box for DTD, not that she needs whiter teeth, but she has used them before and it'd been awhile. In typical fashion, she didn't use them all so I, in typical fashion, got charged as Leftovers Keeper, which leftovers have been cluttering my bathroom counter for, lo, these many months. A long time ago I read on the box 05/NO/2009. In one of my finer "gorilla"/"cherry juice" moments, I couldn't figure out what NO meant. Not in the least. Just like I can't figure out how to turn off these italics, grr. It's the computer, I promise you. I thought NO meant NO!, as opposed to YES! Anyway, I called customer service and asked, what does 05/NO/2009 mean? This is scary, isn't it? You already know what it means, so I will not insult you by telling you. Don't bother repeating this to DTD. Thank you.

I also have to sit here and order an eyebrow sponge pencil. My eyebrows need LOTS of help. I'm going to write a book about it. In fact, the book is written. CDW and I wrote it. It just needs putting together and editing. Pages of our book, which is really our printed out emails, reside in kitchen trash bags up in my bedroom, so please no one throw them away by accident, PLEASE. I know a sad story where someone's old letters from friends were placed in a "trash" sack and when someone took out the trash, well, they took out the "trash." Not pretty.

Okay, so toodles for tonight. I stayed up ALL NIGHT last night, which leaves me with very little anything tonight . . . as in nothing. However, I shall force my bleary eyes to read the online directions for Whitestrips because of course the paper directions that came in the box have long since made their way to Toy Town. I have seen the directions on the Crest website, they are pages and pages long and very intimidating. (Which should teach me something about the lengths of some of my blogs, but it won't.) And the instructions frightened me, people come up with the strangest hypothetical dilemmas, so I didn't read them yet -- as soon as I read the freaky problems, I will own them. But now I'm down to the wire and MUST make a move before the strips expire and are rendered unserviceable to me, maybe not to my relatives. I also have to sit here and examine the DHC Catalog and figure out what to order besides eyebrow sponge, which smudges in my eyebrows. I mean, if you have to pay shipping and all that good garbage, let's make it worth it. But it is very urgent to get this eyebrow fix ordered. I'm getting nervous, I should have ordered it weeks ago, I'm almost OUT. Then what?

Whiter teeth and eyebrow help OTW (on the way),
KEM