Today was the day to go bananas Christmas shopping. Starting with picking out the Christmas tree, which is now reposing on the deck until further notice.

Then I did birthday shopping for DTD because I was crazy enough to have her twelve days before Christmas. It gives The Twelve Days of Christmas new meaning, seriously. Of course, she was twelve days past her due date. Good math going here.

Then I returned the polyester pants Mike would have no part of. It really helped me because I readily applied that $50 to other more interesting shopping, and when the cashier told me the total, I didn't fall into a stupor, because I basically had $50 credit, to my way of thinking although Mike doesn't "get" that.

I shall now brag about the top I found at Marshall's. My buggy was full but on my way to the register, one last Clearance rack told me to get over there. Boy, am I glad I did, because four more articles, ALL FOR ME, jumped into my cart. But the prize was this dark teal pretty sleeveless blouse (with ruffles) that the manufacturer was milking the world at large, gullible women at small, for a teensy $188.00. Marshall's had if on Clearance for $20.00. I had to buy that just for the principal of the thing. I didn't try it on, but here's to hoping for the best. It would be a blouse for a fancy party, since I'm a socialite and all. Maybe I should just frame it.

Oh yeah, and the silly buy of the day was a tree skirt. Lately, I've been wrapping a blanket around the base of the tree. Well, lately, I haven't even done that as last year I bought a table top tree, pre-decorated, which I enjoyed immensely, but Mike and DTD were disgusted with it (me). The year before I don't think I did a tree at all. Did I? Who knows. Okay, so this tree skirt looks exactly like a ruffled skirt, a very full ruffled skirt, with panels of red and gold. I really don't know, I haven't tried it on the tree yet, of course, don't know if it will look so swell with elegant white lights, white ornaments and white bows . . . all white. Then a loud ruffled skirt that looks like it's something straight out of The Wild Wild West setting it all off. Well, if there's one thing we know, it's that KEM does not understand balance and harmony and color when it comes to decorating (so what does she understand about decorating?). I have learned this about myself as I read newspaper articles giving tips for decorating, and I'm going, You don't say? Anyhow, the tree skirt could easily be converted to a real skirt KEM wouldn't be caught dead in, I've held it up and swished it around, it's ideal for the Can-Can. I can just see DTD'S face when she gets a load of this.

What I need is my friend Brad to come handle my Christmas tree. He posted a picture of his tree on Facebook, his bare tree. It was tall and a bit gangly. The next day he posted pictures of the tree, decorated. For crying out loud, it's a work of art, it's MAGNIFICENT. I told him, If I had a year I could never hang that many ornaments, much less do so artistically. HOW DO PEOPLE DO IT?? There is not one pine needle of that tree that isn't brushing up against some exquisite ornament or light or bead. The gangly limbs are thoroughly incorporated into this masterpiece. What gangly limbs?? They were part of the plan all along. I don't know when I've been so impressed. I told him, ENTER THIS IN A CONTEST!!! It's GORGEOUS.

So, then it was off to Macy's, where they sell REAL men's pants. If the economy is still on the blink, you wouldn't know it judging by the traffic, parking lots and crowds at the store counters. It's such a waiting game. I drove around looking for a decent parking space and I saw someone pull out and I zipped right in. Then when I pulled out, someone zipped right in again. That poor parking space didn't have half a second to itself. And that's the way it is. Which makes me very happy for the stores because people work in and for those stores. What I'm trying to say is that I'm VERY happy for the people who need their jobs in these stores.

I am kind of in a state of shock that I have a tree and nearly all shopping done. What is this?? Normally, we get our tree a day or two before Christmas, one that is so dried out by that late date it's ready to set fire if you merely turn on a lamp. My first Christmas married, we didn't have a tree. My mother-in-law came to visit and she had a conniption. She MADE us go to a convenience store in the dark on Christmas Eve to get a tree. We came home with a branch . . . a very small and hideous branch . . . one that made Charlie Brown's tree look lush, a rare object of desire.

And normally, I'm in the thick of the mad crowds the day or two before Christmas, still shopping. There are never gifts under our tree unless they came in the mail. I wrap for hours Christmas Eve. No longer, Sisters and Brothers. I almost wrapped everything (which, really, we are going light this year) tonight, but instead I wrapped nothing, because enough is enough for one day.

My shopping amazed me today. What is this, buying the first thing I see for each person. Seriously, that is how it went. And I think I did okay, but I could be kidding myself. This is why I have learned to say, Gift receipt, please. Still, it is so unlike me. For instance, when I was going to meet my former mother-in-law for the first time, at Christmas, I spent every lunch hour for the four months before Christmas racing around to every shop in the city until I was POSITIVE I had the perfect gift to adequately impress her. And guess what was that perfect gift?? The very first thing I ever saw in the first place, four months prior. B-a-R-U-U-T-H-E-R. That was kind of a light bulb moment. Kind of. But I guess I'm too old and tired to shop like that anymore, or too smart, although sometimes I do get carried away. It's OCD again. But I tell myself, A nice gift is a nice gift, too bad you can't view every possible gift in the world, so just go for this one right here and now. Besides, anymore there is so much STUFF in the world, nothing seems too terribly special. Unless it's that blouse I got for a smidge more than 10% of the price. Watch it look like a joke on me, and then I'll go, Aha!, so THIS is why it was reduced. Next thing you know, they'll be paying me to remove it from the premises. Oh, please don't return this blouse, they'll plead. We offer you what you paid for it, pretty please, just keep it, they cajole. Whatever.

Maybe I will be ready for Christmas and actually find myself baking cookies with frosting. Oonagh, please send me your cookie recipe as I can't find mine even though Laura gave it to me once upon a time. I want to make S & S Cinnamon Rolls, too. They are my specialty. I have made them twice in my whole life. And I have these blue and white striped tins that cry buckets every year as they once again stay put. Imagine filling them with S & S Cinnamon Rolls and showing up at someone's front door. Oh, I imagine it all right.

But most of all, I want to listen to Christmas music, watch old Christmas movies, drink almond milk hot chocolate and, most importantly revere the Christ child.

So, better clean this house and stick with my convictions.

I'm glad I wrote a real blog tonight, it made my sinuses feel better, because I forgot about them. I know I've signed off dairy for life, but dare I (ha) go scarf down a baked custard? Somehow, cooked dairy doesn't still seem like dairy, not quite the same animal . . . not exactly.

Cannot figure out the Jumble today. But I say to Mike over lunch, What is GUBYL, but don't you dare tell me. Eleven seconds later he says, I got it. He got it in his head. It's infuriating, he does it all the time. I study it for all of breakfast, lunch and dinner, with the letters smack in front of me. Mike says I will feel really silly when I figure out what it is. Well, whatever, at least one day last week I got everything quick, quick, I was sharp that day (or Jumble was easy). Nevertheless it does give one hope. I think I will go grab a custard and stare at GUBYL some more.

SUPER DULL KEM