Tonight I was inspired to go get my free unmentionable from VS. Because it was the last day. Not that I should worry, as two more cards for two more free unmentionables arrived in the mail today. Still, who can pass up FREE? No matter how many you have accumulated at such an alarming pace, one for every day of the month, morning and evening . . . at least . . . they are definitely TAKING OVER THE WORLD. I think from now on I must stash away the new ones, with tags attached, for a women's shelter. For a long time, you know, you could only get bland white, beige, etc. But now you can get purty ones, so I got a purty one and now I don't want to stash it away. I want to keep it. I had to dig down in the drawer under the counter for my purty one, but I was rewarded. It's a light-ish background with irregular baby hearts stamped all over it. Okay, so why am I telling you all this?? Let's hope and pray no men are reading, except Mike, he doesn't count. Well, he COUNTS, you know what I mean.

I went to the fancy mall in Tampa so I could investigate J. Jill, a store I've never been in or ordered from, but that doesn't prevent them from mailing me a catalog every other day. Finally, the catalog said, SAVE $25 On Your Purchase At International Plaza. Well, I was curious because a few months ago I noticed this really great cardigan in the catalog. I mentioned it to CDW, and she said she loves J. Jill and furthermore she loves cardigans. She says cardigans are perfect to wear so you can shove up the sleeves and sit down and type on your computer. I thought that was very inspirational because sometimes I don't FEEL like sitting down and typing on my computer. So obviously if I had this cardigan with ribbed neck and sleeves, then I would always just run to the computer and type on it. But truly, I forgot about that sweater until the other day when there it was in the latest catalog, in the new winter colors. So, I wasn't about to forget about it again. Floridians NEED sweaters. Because all the businesses, especially restaurants, cater to the northerners and crank the air down to below freezing, you know, so the northerners can feel right at home (really, what's that all about??). So I and my thin, born and bred Florida blood walk into a restaurant and commence an evening of shivering misery in these ungodly frigid temperatures . . . if I don't have my toasty, trusty cardigan, that is. I had a friend once who got cold while we were eating and she opened her tiny purse and pulled out a tiny sweater that she had rolled up tinily in there. She held up the edge of the roll and it . . . unrolled. I thought it was hysterical. SHE knows all about the chill factor in Florida.

Well, anyway, I love shopping at night. No traffic, no crowds, no nothin'. This lovely young woman REALLY HELPED me. We decided the pale pink stuff which J. Jill is loving, which normally pink is the color for me, was looking like pajamas. I found a fabulous thin silk skirt on sale, but I looked like lumpy mashed potatoes in it. Thighs. I've had 'em since I was three years old in a bathing suit, pictures don't lie, unfortunately. No, this slinky skirt was for the young, smooth, toned and fabulous. We talked about new roofs, her granny had hers ripped off by a tornado, and that I was really a little old lady. She sang the praises of J. Jill's quality, These clothes won't be washed once and disintegrate. Good. Well, I ended up with an inky blue cardigan, just the one I wanted, ON SALE. Not much of a sale, but, still, ON SALE. Then, I bought a DRASTICALLY REDUCED pale blue chiffon kind of flowing dressy blouse. TOTALLY UNLIKE ME, I generally stick to T shirts, da plainah da bettah, but I decided to live a little. It fits JUST RIGHT. THEN. Then I saw something that slayed me dead right on the spot. It was a light-weight tweed jacket/coat. It was reduced but still plenty of moo-lah. I tried it on. Oh, boy. It fit like it was handtailored in Italy or somewhere just for me. And I didn't look lumpy in it. In fact, I looked fabulous in it. Well, I did. They only had one in my size left. It looked EXACTLY like what Audrey Hepburn would wear, no kidding. Very simple, very 1960ish. It is mid-thigh and has brown and blue woven together (hint, goes with blue chiffon blouse). There is a big button right under the collar (the rest of the buttons are hiding). The sleeves only come to the elbow. Really groovy. Well, suffice it to say, this is what Mike is giving me for Christmas. I KNOW I will wear it millions of times, it is so light and perfect and warm and cozy. See, then I opened a J. Jill credit card account, at the advice of my new friend, the sales girl. So I saved 20 additional %. I told the girl I shouldn't buy anything because . . ., but she said, You deserve it, and I said, You are SO RIGHT about that! And now J. Jill is my new favorite store. Not that that means very much, as I am not a shopper and rarely go to the mall, only thanks to VS for the free you-know-whats.

So, I was a totally bad girl tonight. Why is being bad so much fun? Except the part when you spot yourself in the full-length mirror in the dressing room, in just your VSs, which is even more alarming than, say, seeing yourself in thin silk skirt that reveals every crater and dip of your cellulite, which is like unto the moon's surface. Then you holler, TELL ME IT AIN'T SO, and sink into FDD, Full Delirious Denial.

When I checked Facebook tonight a friend "wonders if a person (herself, presumably) has too many things to do with a day off, will it mean nothing gets accomplished anyway, so the person should do nothing to start with...?" Someone, a guy, chimed in, IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING YOURSELF A SCHEDULE AND STICKING TO IT! (Jeepers, Creepers!, KEM says, doesn't that sound just like a man?) So I chimed in, "Darlene, I would have to say that that is exactly what would happen to me, you're asking the wrong person :)" EVERY DAY I wake up wondering what Darlene wondered. DTD thinks I have EVERY day off since I don't work a 9 to 5 job. So this is all coming together and explains why I never get anything accomplished . . . because I have EVERY day off. I have to admit, if I worked at J. Jill, which I am now fantasizing about, then I would be on a shedule (isn't that how Mary Poppins says it?) and I would be forced to accomplish some things, like getting up and getting dressed and getting somewhere specific. Beyond that, is anyone's guess.

Well, I KNOW I need a shedule. I have even thought of making it a game, doing stuff in 1/2 hour increments. That would keep it lively enough, wouldn't it? A half hour is a mere one episode of Leave it to Beaver. It goes by FAST and it's gone and you're on to the new 1/2 hour. My mind can track for 30 minutes, surely, but that's about it. Doesn't this sound like fun? Changing your activity every quickie 1/2 hour? Honestly, I sound like a kindergartner. Listen, I know I'm not normal, a normal person wouldn't be writing a blog like this :o, now would she?

Well, really, I didn't have a thing to say tonight and wondered what on earth to mention. I mean, I have story ideas, but I didn't have the energy to convert the ideas to blank computer screen, which, by the way, is getting icier whiter every night. My eyes don't dig it. I mean, I didn't feel like writing a story, because just blabbing is much FASTER.

Okay, I might play my 1/2 hour game tomorrow. Except I have to go get a mammogram, see there's always something to arrest your plan before it can even wake up. Ha, ha, I was reading another Facebook friend's stuff and the discussion was Who is a Morning Person? (How does this stuff just fall into my lap, I'm telling you, little God gifts, this FB friend, someone I haven't heard from since boarding school days, is brand new as of today, and I read this, go figure.) One guy said his wife IS a morning person and her philosophy is if you sleep past sunrise you lose the day. Nothing like watching the sun rise or set, according to her. Well, I don't think I've found a day yet, then, in the last two decades. But Mike and I did go back to the beach the night after the wedding, we were so inspired, and watch the sun set, it was very life-giving. Jazzi LOVED scampering in the powdery white sand but she was afraid of the foamy waves. Jazzi made it tons of fun. Everyone who passed her smiled, whether they wanted to or not.

New Owner of Forbidden Fruit,
KEM