The most delicate sound in the world...a kitten sneeze.

Yes. Robby has a cold. Robby is quickly becoming a people kitty in general and a KEM kitty in particular. The poor little thing slept all day long. No playing or anything. Well, Robby swiped at it's fake fur mouse on a stick for a minute this morning and then that was it. He wakens to stretch or nibble or potty and then right back to sleep. He comes calling for me in his tiny little meow voice that only melts your heart faster than butter.

My friend, the one who sings kitten lullabies so adorably it should be recorded, she sent me a link to a site called catsthatlooklikeHitler. Well. I never. I hate to say it, but a lot of those cats, something like 7,000 of them, have facial markings similar to Robby. None as cute, of course. But I wrote my friend back that I'd rather Robby's photo be displayed on a site called catsthatlooklikeGroucho. Marx, that is.

So, I was looking at the AOL article on 10 great paint colors. Then I read the comments. And in one of the comments, the very first one I believe, the lady says to check out a book called Decluttering Fast (with the idea that painting a room ain't gonna cure the clutter). Something like that. So, it was so easy to click on the link. Testimonials had very favorable things to say about this method of decluttering and how kind and patient and encouraging was the author. But do you want to know something? You have to buy the book online, as in it comes to your computer, it is an e book, is that what you would call it? You cannot buy it in the store. You can print it out from your computer once you buy it, but you cannot give it to anyone. How boring is that?

So, I took the plunge. I am good at taking plunges lately. The lady describes exactly everything I feel about clutter gone wild. The way she put it, I was convicted. Guess I can't tell you too much about it or I might get arrested.

But the first thing they told me to do once I bought the book was to save the access page in my Favorites. You know, so I can have access to the book and read it over and over instead of actually doing what it says. Hello. People. I don't know how to save anything to my Favorites. I called Mike, thankfully for me, his flight was delayed and he could walk me through it. He told me what to do but it didn't work. I felt desperate because I just spent an unreasonable amount of money for this e book and now I'm going to lose it, just watch.

So, I called DTD. DTD asks me to find Favorites. I can do that, I click on it every day for AOL and Living Dust. But how do I add this access page? asks I. She said, Follow what it says. I said, And like how? Well, to make a tedious story tolerable, whatever DTD ended up telling me to do worked better than what Mike told me to do, because I managed to add the page to Favorites. I have no patience with tech things and Mike has no patience with me because of that. He was having me click on the yellow star with the green arrow that was next to and instead of the regular Favorite's yellow star. WHATEVER.

I said, DTD, thank you so much because you are a better helper than Mike. She, as usual, can't believe I don't know how to do such a thing. I proclaim, DTD, someone my age can't do these things. She said, not letting me down, That is pathetic.

Well, today I call Nina. Nina is the Crime Lady. I've told you about her, she's an amputee. Guess what? In the whole state of Florida, Nina's Neighborhood (where I live) got the award as the Number One Crime Watch. Wow. But I was calling Nina because she is In-The-Know. I asked, Nina, do you know of a good camphor tree trimmer?

Did she know of a good camphor tree trimmer. Hardee-har-har, of course she did. I called him immediately and he came over essentially immediately to give me an estimate. He was very reasonable, even though we were standing under a tree with lightning and thunder crashing all around us.

Then I asked, Did you happen to cut the lady's camphor trees up by Grace Lutheran School? He said, Yes, I did. I said, What street (testing him, you know). He said, 43rd Ave. Which was correct.

But let me back up a second. When I walk the neighborhood, I notice the camphor trees. And I'd noticed this lady's trees and thought they looked nice. I was going to leave a note on her door to please call me with the name of her tree trimmer. But I never did that.

So I called Nina, like I just said I did, and her tree man is one and the same who did the other lady's camphors, it turns out. There are only 10 million tree trimmers around St. Pete and all 10 million leave fliers on the door.

And to conclude this fine How Do You Do, I took Jazzi on a spin and I said, Jazz, let's go stare at those lady's camphors. As I was driving up the street I noticed a woman walking her dog near the camphor's house. I stopped and rolled down my window. Do you happen to live in the house with the camphors? Yes, she did. She said he was a fine tree trimmer, because I wanted to know. And we agreed, So what if he looks like the wrestler Hulk Hogan, if he can trim trees. He looks EXACTLY like Hulk Hogan.

Well, that might have been one of those stories only I find interesting, but at least I can be proud that I told it minimally. And nothing more...to be proud of, that is.

I do believe that New Improved Bar Keeper's Friend Liquid smells lemon-y, with a touch ammonia-ny. But quite doable, really, it is. They have done a good job, going from drastically atrocious to quite tolerable, almost pleasant. I commend the fine folk at Bar Keeper's Friend Liquid. A fine product that now smells fine.

Can you believe spellchick has never heard of the word decluttering. Now, THAT is pathetic. No wonder the most of us live in a royal mess.

On the verge, once again,
KEM