Celia, my hairdresser, put white paint on my hair today. The effect is sorta like highlights all over the top and front. I'm very leery of this, but something had to be done. Not a lot of fun to get your hair colored and less than two weeks later the roots are showing. Well, this is not chunky or streaky highlights, like I said, it's sorta all over, the idea being it will help the white roots blend in better. Next think you know, I'll be platinum blond. That's what a lady at Mike's church says, she's going platinum in two years. As it stands she is in her early 70's and has jet black hair. She looks gorgeous, I mean PERFECT, EVERY time. Her hair is in a short sleek bob. She dresses for the Best Dressed List. Her house is spotless. In fact, she was a beauty queen in New Jersey, back in the day. In fact, there was a second lady in Mike's choir who was also a New Jersey beauty queen back in the day, if you can believe that. The two ladies, I think their competitive spirit was still alive and well. Anyway, the lady in question, I have NEVER seen even a hint of white in her roots. No, no. I asked, Who colors your hair? She said, I do. I'm thinking, How frequently? Because, like I said, there is no white. At all. But I think she does have white hair under the dye because why else would she be planning ahead to platinum blond in two years?

Ugh, this gettin' old stuff is a little weird and a heck of a lot of trouble. And money.

Guess who has a headache? But I went to the mall and had fun. Then I thought, It's late but I'm going by the malt shop. Too late. Malts make my headaches go away in one easy fell swoop.

My friend has the best response for when someone says something dreadful to you. You say, ever so smoothly, I'm sure you didn't mean that as unkindly as it sounded. Well. Wish I'd known this my whole life. As it stands, I've known it for a couple of years. And I have yet to actually utter it aloud in the appropriate situation. But I dream about it. And I drool over the times I COULD have utilized it had I only known this order of words existed.

Same friend gives the Cobra Smile when necessary. She taught first grade and could rein her students in line by calmly telling them which end was up, all the while the Cobra Smile fastened to her face. To do the Cobra Smile you tighten your lips straight across your face, with just a hint of the corners turned up. Let your teeth show. Then you hiss your command with those cobra lips frozen in place. Talk about effective. Oh, you gotta love my friend, she's the most original person I know. I should video her doing the Cobra Smile. She could illustrate the smile while saying, I'm sure you didn't mean that as unkindly as it sounded. Oh, yes.

Better be thinking about eating some pancakes and going to bed. I hope it's not the Log Cabin Now With No Fructose Corn Syrup Pancake Syrup that gives me my headaches. Because it occurred to me that I haven't had a headache in quite a while and I haven't had pancakes in quite a while, too. Hmm.

KEM LOVES SUMMER